|
ANALOG |
what Ana tosses into the fire |
|
APPLE |
Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity |
|
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE |
put tab A into slot B, then put tab C... |
|
AUDIT TRAIL |
what the IRS does |
|
ADVANCED DESIGN |
The advertising agency doesn't understand it |
|
ALL NEW |
Parts not interchangeable with previous design |
|
ALL SOLID-STATE |
Heavy as Hell! |
|
A MAINFRAME |
The biggest PC peripheral available. |
|
BANDWIDTH |
limited by the size of the stage |
|
BATTERY BACKUP |
going in reverse in a golf cart |
|
BASIC |
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control |
|
BENCHMARK |
what happens when your saw hits the bench |
|
BREAKTHROUGH |
We finally figured out a way to sell it |
|
BROADCAST QUALITY |
Gives a picture and produces noise |
|
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES |
We finally got it to fit together |
|
CACHE MEMORY |
remembering how much you spent |
|
CARRIER DETECT |
"I see the mail man!" |
|
CASE |
24 bottles |
|
CD-ROM |
Consumer Device Rendered Obsolete in Months |
|
CONTROL CHARACTER |
prison guard |
|
CONVENTIONAL MEMORY |
remembering what you did at COMDEX |
|
COPYRIGHT |
vs. copy wrong |
|
CURSOR |
a garbage mouth |
|
COMPUTER |
A device designed to speed and automate errors. |
|
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY |
You can return it from most airports |
|
DAISY CHAIN |
a dog's leash |
|
DAT |
the opposite of DIS |
|
DEC |
Do Expect Cuts |
|
DOS |
Defunct Operating System |
|
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY |
Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone |
|
DIRECT SALES ONLY |
Factory had big argument with distributor |
|
DISTINCTIVE |
A different shape and color than the others |
|
EDCDIC |
similar to herpes |
|
ESCAPE SEQUENC |
Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut throw fence... |
|
ETHERNET |
used to catch Ether |
|
ETHERNET (N) |
something used to catch the ether bunny |
|
EXCLUSIVE |
Imported product |
|
FIXED DISK |
a broken disk that comes back from the shop |
|
FLAT FILE |
a file with all the air out of it |
|
FULL DUPLEX |
a 2-family house with 16 occupants |
|
FIELD-TESTED |
Manufacturer lacks test equipment |
|
FOOLPROOF OPERATION |
No provision for adjustments |
|
FUTURISTIC |
No other reason why it looks the way it does |
|
GROUPWARE |
clothes swapping |
|
HACKER |
a heavy smoker |
|
HIGH DENSITY DISKETTE |
a very stupid floppy |
|
HOME COMPUTER |
what you tell your computer when it follows you |
|
HYPERTEXT |
text on amphetamines |
|
HAND-CRAFTED |
Assembly machines operated without gloves on |
|
HIGH ACCURACY |
Unit on which all parts fit |
|
HIGH RELIABILITY |
We made it work long enough to ship it |
|
IBM |
I Blame Microsoft |
|
IBM |
Industry's Biggest Menace |
|
IBM |
Inferiorly Built Machine |
|
IBM |
I befriended Microsoft (remember 1980?) |
|
INK JET |
a plan used for sky writing |
|
INTEGRATED CIRCUIT |
a circuit with black & white components |
|
ISDN |
It Still Does Nothing |
|
IT'S HERE AT LAST! |
Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming |
|
LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY |
One of our tech was laid off by Boeing |
|
LOCAL BUS |
stops at every intersection |
|
MACHINE DEPENDENCY |
an affliction of machine users |
|
MAG TAPE |
tape used on the wheels of cars |
|
MAIN MEMORY |
remembering where the water line is |
|
MATH COPROCESSOR |
the person you cheated from in math class |
|
MEGAFLOP |
the worst play you ever saw |
|
MINICOMPUTER |
the pier to Mickey's computer |
|
MODEM |
what the gardener did to the lawns |
|
MODEM |
Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine |
|
MULTI-SYNC |
can be sunk more than once |
|
MAINTENANCE-FREE |
Impossible to fix |
|
MEETS ALL STANDARDS |
Ours, not yours |
|
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED |
Does things we can't explain |
|
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS |
We got a good deal at a government auction |
|
NATIVE MODE |
head hunting |
|
NEW |
Different color from previous design |
|
NEW GENERATION |
Old design failed, ma y be this one will work |
|
ON-LINE |
where the birds sit |
|
OS/2 |
Obsolete Soon, Too |
|
OVERLAY |
chickens making too many eggs |
|
PCMCIA |
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms |
|
PENTIUM |
the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock |
|
PLOTTER |
a deceitful person |
|
POSTSCRIPT |
grafitti on a pole |
|
PERFORMANCE PROVEN |
Will operate through the warranty period |
|
PROGRAMMER |
A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
objects. |
|
RECORD LOCKING |
what you do to your Beetle White Album |
|
RE-DESIGNED |
Previous faults corrected, we hope... |
|
REVOLUTIONARY |
It's different from our competitors |
|
RIGHT JUSTIFIED |
vs. wrongly justified |
|
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED |
Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check |
|
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE |
When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound |
|
SCSI |
System Can't See It |
|
SOFTWARE PIRACY |
stealing a ship's program |
|
STREAMING TAPE |
party decorations |
|
SUBROUTINE |
not quite routine |
|
TOKEN RING |
a group of people passing the bong |
|
UNMATCHED |
Almost as good as the competition |
|
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE |
Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way |
|
UPGRADE |
Take old bugs out, put new ones in. |
|
USER |
n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean
"idiot." (Dave Barry) |
|
WORD WRAP |
black music |
|
WWW |
World Wide wait |
|
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT |
We finally got one that works |
|
YMODEM |
because, modem |